To develop the North

I went up to Iqaluit last year with Mama, Max and Talia, and we're beginning discussions to go back up again. I can't say I really enjoyed the time we spent there, but Mama says it pays well and that's good enough for me. Iqaluit is depressing because it's essentially a welfare city. All economic activity is driven by government handouts and the salaries of those providing government services to the rapidly growing population. There's a tiny tourism industry and a number of artists that provide pieces for the Inuit art shops in downtown Ottawa and airports across the country, but no other industry.

But I have a solution that will give a kick-start to the economy of the North. Paul Martin still has almost a week before he calls the election; a few million dollars directed to this initiative will help him win those crucial Northern seats.

The solution? Penguins. The North needs penguins.

As most Canadians know, there are no penguins in the Arctic. But there could be -- I don't see how the conditions there are that different from the Antarctic. Penguins could be imported from the South Pole and seeded throughout the North, in much the same way that rabbits were introduced to Australia. If you look at what they did for that previously worthless bit of real estate, you can imagine the benefits the North would gain from penguins.

First, people like penguins. They're one of those animals that have a strong presence in the popular imagination. Just as Kenya has lions^* to drive its tourism industry, the North would benefit from penguins. Going to Antarctica is a long trip just to see some flightless birds, but Iqaluit is only 4 hours away from most of the East coast. And Penguins are pretty dumb and won't run away from tourists like other Arctic wildlife.

Second, penguins are good to eat. Well -- I don't know for sure about that, but they look like they'd be pretty good. Specialty restaurants in Canada have recently taken to serving Arctic food like caribou and arctic char. Penguin would fit in well on these types of menus. And if it was cleverly marketed (and it did taste good), perhaps restaurants in the US and Europe would start serving it as well.

And there are other benefits that would no doubt arise arise as penguins established a foothold in the North. Penguin guano is a valuable fertilizer. Their skins are extremely durable and waterproof. And Inuit artists could carve something other than polar bears and seals.

The only objections to this plan would come from environmentalists and animal rights activists. The environmentalists are killjoys who hate having anything change, and the animal rights nuts hate seeing cute critters turned into food. It's surprising how many people listen to them. But when their priorities conflict with the needs of the aboriginal people in Canada, the aboriginals win. This is political reality -- I think we could do this.

You know, I started writing this as a joke, but I think I've convinced myself that it's a good idea. A flashy Power Point presentation in front of the right people and this thing's got legs.

Remember where you heard about it first.

Just Imagine

^* Warning: link leads to a flash animation with a song that will get stuck in your head until you're forced to blow your brains out.

Posted by Bruce Gottfred at May 18, 2004 08:31 PM | TrackBack