Quacks on the march

Do you want to make lots of money? Are you evil? Are you willing to tell outrageous lies to hopeful, desperate people? Then a career in the practice of the Neurolink complete health care system may be for you!

We received a letter last week that had 'Important message from local doctor' written on the outside. I kind of doubted that because 'local doctor' was in the kitchen making dinner. Inside was a pamphlet full of buzzwords and scientific-sounding gobbledy-gook from some quack setting up shop nearby. He claims to be one of only five in Canada that is practicing the miracle of Neurolink, an offshoot of the quack science of chiropractic medicine.

What is it? I'll let them explain:

When the body ‘breaks down’ – either physically, pathologically, chemically or emotionally, this means that there are tolerances that have been exceeded. When tolerances have been exceeded symptoms of pain and illness are manifested. There is activity that is now outside the parameters within which the brain controls. There is now function of some body's systems that the brain is no longer fully governing.

Having explained that, it means Neurolink looks at all complaints from the neurophysiological point of view. The Neurolink System of healthcare represents a systematic and prioritized set of protocols that assess the function of all the bodys systems, and all the factors that translate themselves to symptoms. These protocols will identify areas of physiology that the brain does not have full governance of and are not functioning to its optimum.

The Neurolink physician is a facilitator in the resetting of the neurological circuitry so the brain, will resume full governance of the respective area of dysfunction. In essence, with Neurolink the brain itself is correcting the problem. The doctor does not correct the problem - he/she facilitates only.

Clear? No? Well, you're not supposed to understand. Here's what happens if you're stupid enough to let yourself be examined by one of these crooks:

As a patient you will lie on a medical treatment bed face up or face down, fully dressed.

The practitioner will hold different points on your body to activate different ‘circuits’. Some of these points will be obvious. Some may not be so obvious to you. To determine if the various circuits are intact or not, the practitioner will use a muscle test (ie holding an arm strong) as an indicator. The muscle test could be thought of as the practitioner’s way of ‘talking’ to the brain. If the circuit is broken, the muscle will lose strength, and the patient will be unable to resist against the practitioner’s pressure.

In most cases, to correct the problem, the practitioner will make contact with points on the body. The patient may also be asked to hold certain points him/herself. The practitioner will tap a certain place on the cranium – which is the integration message centre to the brain.

The practitioner will check through various circuits correcting as necessary for the individual, based on the information that is fed back from the brain.

Remember... with a Neurolink treatment, it is tailor-made for you. The practitioner can only correct circuits your brain says need correcting. And... your brain doesn’t lie.

Sure. But these quacks will when they tell you what your brain said.

A few years ago, the Latin American Correspondent and myself were in Vegas and we somehow managed to sneak in to an alternative medicine trade show. We spent an enjoyable couple of hours going to the booths and letting these hucksters (some of whom were no doubt sincere) give us their wacky sales pitches. One I remember was selling an amulet that would ward off the evil strength-draining rays from cell-phones. He had us push against his flexed arm both when we were holding a phone, and then when it was hidden under a lead blanket. And you know, it seemed like I had more strength without the phone! I could push his arm easier! And then I tried holding the phone while wearing the amulet, and what do you know? No loss of strength! (Though I was amazed, I explained that I didn't use a cell-phone and couldn't afford the $300 he wanted. Maybe next time.)

This seems to be the same gimmick used by the wonderous new Neurolink system. It takes longer, and will be accompanied by furrowed brows on the face of the 'practitioner', but it's the same parlour trick. It's an old scam with a long history in medical quackery. The old-time medicine shows used it, and now it's been buffed up and given a scientific veneer by chiropractors. It's now called Applied Kinesiology, but is just as much of a stage trick as it always was:

Some people who undergo AK muscle-testing report that although they resisted as hard as they could, the practitioner was still able to pull down their arm. Differences from one test to another may be due to suggestibility; variations in the amount of force, leverage, or follow-through involved; and/or muscle fatigue. Distraction can also play a role. (Touching another part of the body just before pulling down the arm may cause the patient to focus less on resisting.) But trickery (deliberate or unconscious) may also be a factor. A sudden slight upward movement can cause a "set" muscle to relax so that it can be immediately pulled downward. I have found that when this is done quickly, the person being tested is unlikely to detect the upward motion. Try this on a friend.

In the old days, the medicine shows would have to keep moving to avoid the anger of the people once they figured out they'd been duped. Now they set up permanent operations and use lobbyists to ask to bill the government for their 'services'. That's progress for you.

Posted by Bruce Gottfred at September 21, 2004 11:06 AM | TrackBack